HELL - After weeks at the negotiating table, The Devil and Mick Jagger appear to be at a stalemate. The current contract between the two is due to expire at the end of the month. This is the fourth such decennial renegotiation since the Rolling Stones' frontman first signed on with Satan in 1965 at the age of 20.

The main stumbling block is a cover photo and interview Jagger did recently with Saga Magazine, a geriatric periodical. Appearing in a pink and blue rugby shirt, a wrinkly Jagger denounces the rock and roll lifestyle that put him where he is today. "I stopped partying, stopped taking drugs and drinking and all that," said Jagger. He goes on to discuss such subjects as the pros and cons of Craftmatic adjustable beds, the importance of fiber, and how difficult it can be to find a good early bird dinner special in southwest Florida these days. "I stuck around St. Petersburg when I saw it was time for a change," joked the elderly crooner.

"The relationship is simply no longer equitable," said a spokesman for The Evil One. "Jagger has tremendous wealth, fame, and a beautiful wife 30 years his junior. What is Lucifer getting in return? In the past Mick was encouraging drug abuse, pushing the sexual envelope, and corrupting youth. But the Prince of Darkness feels that Jagger's stint is over. It's been hard enough keeping a guy who can't sing or dance at the top of the charts all these years. It's time for him to fend for himself."

The spokesman would not say what diabolical plans Beelzebub has for Jagger once the contract expires. "Let's just say time is not on his side."