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Navy Sticking With Sailor Suit


by Harvey Pinkus, EIN Founder

Electronic Internet News

Washington, DC - The United States Navy announced today that the 2006 Naval dress uniform will remain as it has been for over 200 years - a sailor's suit.

As the seamen of the most powerful Navy in the world board their ships, they'll be wearing white bell bottoms, white frocks with wide flap collars, and knotted navy blue neckerchiefs. Atop their heads, they will proudly don little white sailor's hats.

"The white Navy dress uniform is a tradition as old as this country", said Navy Commander David Johansen. "Besides, our enemies hate it when they get their asses kicked by a bunch of guys dressed like 2 year-old boys."

"It really threw us off during the 2003 invasion," admits Muhammad Sharif, a former Iraqi General. "The ships were close to shore, and we were looking at them through binoculars. I was totally like, 'Hey, look, it's the guy from the Cracker Jack box!' And then a Tomahawk cruise missile went down the chimney of our headquarters."

The Navy turned down several other alternatives to the "summer whites". The Hawaiian shirt with blue speedo and flip-flops was deemed "too beachy". The blue leotard with white tights and sailboat-shaped hat was rejected without explanation. And the white pirate costume remains a contender for 2007, though the earring and eye patch are being reworked.

The Navy's announcement also rekindled the controversy over which of the Village People looked the gayest.