Movie Reviews by Zac Foster, 11th grade party animal


Electronic Internet News

Movie Reviews: Summer 2001


An animated adventure featuring the voices of Mike Myers, John Lithgow, Cameron Diaz, and Eddie Murphy.

My main complaint about this movie is that it was too short. At just under 90 minutes, the 9:00 show let out at about 10:45. That left a lot of unanswered questions in my parents' minds, like why I didn't make it home until 1 in the morning. I must admit, I didn't actually see the movie. Bricker's parents were out of town, so we got like 4 cases of brew and got all fucked up and ended up walking over to Sara Kitchens' house but her mom was there and she came to the door, like, in her nightgown and shit and we all just hauled ass.

Pearl Harbor

Starring Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, and Cuba Gooding, Jr.

If you pretend to see only one movie this summer, pretend to see this one! At a healthy 183 minutes (that's more than 3 hours, even though it doesn't sound like it), it is the longest movie I have not seen in a long time. We didn't go to the 10:00 show, so you do the math. I came in at 1:30 with an airtight alibi. The only way my parents ended up busting me was on the details of the movie. Here's what I wish I had known that night: 1) Pearl Harbor is in Hawaii. 2) The Japanese (not the Chinese) bombed the shit out of it in World War II. 3) Ben Affleck comes back from the dead to find out his best friend is banging his girlfriend, then the other guy ends up dying, so everyone is happy (except the 5 kajillion guys who got killed.) 4) Never mix tequila with chocolate milk. You will puke and your friend will make you clean it up, especially if you hurl inside a grand piano.

Bridget Jones' Diary

Starring Renee Zellweger and Hugh Grant

I went to see this on a date with Ashley Daniels. The movie pretty much sucked, but I finally got into Ashley's pants. We made out the whole time, and ended up getting on the floor of the movie theater, which sounds gross, but it was really cool. We didn't see the end of the movie because the tight-ass dad that was sitting next to us went and got the manager and he threw us out. We went and got a 12 pack and hung out in that new subdivision they're building on Chamblee-Dunwoody Road. My only complaint is that the back seat of my car isn't bigger, but I'm not going to hold the movie responsible for that.