Like most people, you probably wonder if you're making the right decisions concerning your financial future. Stocks or bonds? Growth or value? Small-cap or large-cap? At Oracle Financial, we take the guesswork out of financial planning. Our team of experts has analyzed market trends and corporate balance sheets as well as sunspot cycles and ancient Mayan and Hopi texts to come to one undeniable conclusion: The world will end December 21, 2012.
We could bore you with talk of "ingression of novelty into spacetime" or "galactic centre conjunction", but why waste your time? Don't you and your family deserve the financial freedom to enjoy yourselves before the end of the Great Cycle? Your Oracle advisor can help you obtain credit lines, mortgages, and other debt instruments to maximize your cash flow and ensure that when the Apocalypse comes to pass, you will have spent every dime you possibly could.
Take that trip to Tahiti you've always dreamed of. Eat decadent, expensive meals every night. The fancy sports car you thought was out of reach? Buy it. Even if it means breaking the law to get you the money you need, you needn't worry. Oracle's team of lawyers can tie up the paperwork to keep you out on bail until the seventh seal is broken. Guaranteed.
Whether the Great Purification comes in the form of a comet or meteor destroying the Earth, our whole solar system being sucked into a wormhole, or a resonant frequency synchronization beam creating an evolutionary leap to the next dimension, you can rest assured that neither the cops nor the collection agencies will be able to find you.
Come to Oracle for a free, no-obligation consultation and we'll give you a bag of junk silver, just for stopping by! Even if you decide not to use our services, keep the coins as a token of our thanks. They will certainly come in handy in the Last Days.
As the saying goes, "You can't take it all with you." At Oracle Financial, we'll make sure that you don't.