Mount Sterling, KY - Former Mcnabb Middle School student Donnie Eagles reports that he ate a whole thing of cream cheese on Saturday night. The 19 year-old freelance construction worker had apparently exhausted all other food options. "I thought Little Caesar's was open until midnight," recalls Eagles, "but I guess they close at 11 like Bruce's [Grocery and Bait]. Everything was closed."

Having been between jobs for several months, Eagles had nothing in the cupboard of his Indian Mound Drive trailer home. "When [Bryan] Stringer moved out last month, he took everything." complains the burly, bear of a man. "But for some reason on Saturday night, I looked in the little butter door thing in the refrigerator, and there was this whole thing of cream cheese. I couldn't believe my eyes. I just tore into the box, cut open the silver wrapper with my knife, and started chowing. It must have taken like 2 minutes to eat the whole thing. I only wished I had something to wash it down with. When I get a job, the first thing I'm doing is getting the water hooked back up."

Eagles would not speculate as to how the cream cheese got into the refrigerator in the first place. "I must have looked in there a hundred times and never saw it." he says. "Me and Stringer found that fridge out on [US] 460 last summer. We never put anything but beer in it. It's like that thing of cream cheese just magically appeared out of thin air. Like my momma says, Jesus gives you what you need when you need it."