Crack Whore Strike Ends

Electronic Internet News

By Jimmy Guthrie, EIN Assistant Assistant Vice Vice President

Reuters, U.S. - The American Crack Whore Alliance (ACWA) has ended its first ever strike after just five and a half hours. The union has reached a verbal agreement with the Brotherhood Of Pimps (BOP) and nearly all of the whores have returned to work.

In a prepared statement, ACWA president Blonde Wanda said the union is pleased with the settlement. "We went into this strike seeking better working conditions, birth control and daily meals," said Wanda. "But as the strike wore on, we realized that there was something more important than all of that. Something called crack. And not being killed by the pimps. So, though technically none of our demands were met, I still feel like we achieved something, even if that something was simply staying alive long enough to get high one more time."

Under the new contract, crack whores will work between 18 and 24 hours a day, and be paid exclusively with small amounts of crack cocaine. Any attempt by the crack whore to deviate from this agreement will be considered grounds for disciplinary action. The punishment will be determined solely by the pimp, ranging from ass whoopings to death.

Lead Pipe Perry, spokesman for the BOP, had little to say about the situation. "Fuck them ho's," he muttered through the purple tinted window of his Cadillac Escalade limousine.